I once heard someone say something about bad years, now at the time I had no clue what he was talking about. Yes I had a bad day/ week and bad months but never ever a bad year or even bad years together… However as Christianity is, you only know what your talking about after you’ve been through it. So now I know what it means to have bad years.
Ok you ma be asking what that has to do with the price of eggs, let alone the title of this post.
Back in at the end of 2009 I decided to put away my dream of running my freelance business to follow my wives dream of owning our own house. The job I landed at lasted three months until they went bankrupt, two months later of living off the one wage still trying to save for our house, I landed another job with less pay but 20 times more responsibility and it drained me big time.
After feeling like I was switching my calling from God to trying to keep my boss happy I prayed to God and said if this job is taking over you, take it away from me. Guess what? He did!
I then landed another job one week later at my last job. Again at an even lower wage but to get this house, I needed a job asap so I can get my 6 months probation over so we can get our loan approved by the bank. One week before the bank would have approved our loan, I lost the job!
Now they gave reasons why and I do not want to rubbish any of the companies as I learned a lot from all these jobs but each ‘reason’ I got for why I lost the job was rubbish and a total personal attack. So now I am jobless again for the third time in 1.5 years.
I have a fear and that is to be a failure, I fear failing my wife, my God, myself and fear people seeing me as a failure… Yes I have problems, welcome to the club!
On top of the job fiasco’s I also feel my ministry being pulled from me which has had me questioning myself and what I thought my calling was. At my local church I do mens ministry and ‘run’ a bible study/ small group and both have been a struggle at times. All up it has me questioning myself and feeling like a failure. Yes you can see a common trend cant you?
Now I have a great mate in Canberra who is like a mirror image of me (or maybe I am a mirror image of him) which is kinder scary and in taking to him recently he said four words that God recently spoke to him and they spoke loudly to me and they where “Let Me, I Will“.
I hate waiting on God and letting people in, I struggle being accountable but maybe this is why, maybe God is just waiting on the outer waiting patiently and that I need to let God take control of this situation and when I let God have control he will have his hand over it. I am not saying that God is my magic genie (it would be nice) as you look at the bible and people much more Godly than I went through worse than me.
What I am saying is that Gods blessing (which means favour) will be over me, that no matter what happens I have faith that God is there…. So now comes the hard bit, to let God have control of my current situation.